Friday, May 24, 2013

The Struggle to Define.

How much is too much?

Life changing events are occurring.  Right now.  In my life.  But how much do I want to share?  If I deemed a  blow-by-blow recital necessary I would be on Facebook.  I've fought that battle and forfeited.

Blogs are numerous and frequently irrelevant to all but those personally known or blood related.  Being subject to someone's blog is a modern-day equivalent to the vacation slide show of past generations -- a test of endurance rather than interest.  However, when you find a blog personally relevant the situation is entirely different.

During the past months, when my life-changing events were further on the horizon, I forged through years of blog posts documenting the very real lives of women who were living through what I believed my future could hold.  The more I knew, the more I could be prepared what possibilities may lie before me.  But then our trajectory would change course and I found other blogs about other women following similar paths.  At times I felt like a virtual voyeur -- though peeping through windows deliberately left open still feels delightfully strange.  Currently uncertainty abounds and I doubt whether there is a single soul who has gone though (let alone blogged about) the confusion that now rules my every day.  Which leads me to wonder...

How much is too much, how much should I share, and how much could I possibly help another lost woman in my shoes?  (Oh, please.  I mustn't bring shoes into this, that is a new stressor altogether.)

When beginning my photo blog I wanted a linear history of what I've seen; my creative blog was to show what I've done.  Now I debate my desire to share what I think.  Do I really want the public privy to my brain's inner working, to private moments that occur in the walls I live between?  Really, I'm doing it right now, albeit in a vague manner.  Did you just hear the conversation I had with my husband?  No.  But will it shape what I type in the next paragraph?  I don't know.   Therein lies the struggle to define.

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